Looking for a reason.

I ran, as fast as I could. A direction unknown and a heart beating no longer in my chest but in my head. I couldn't hear anything but my rasping breath and the sound of my feet hitting the wet pavement. Knowledge was seized by a force responsible for my sense of direction. Though I had no direction, I knew I was following something, chasing whatever this thing was.

Lights flickered overhead as I made my way through the snow filled park. Flakes drifting gracefully found their resting place atop the crown of my head, filtering through my hair, clinging to my eyelashes. Their soft imaginative fantasy broken by the shattering reality of the chaos developing in my mind. "Nightmares aren't real. They aren't under your bed, or hiding in your closet. There are no monsters or ghouls. No scary beasts lurking when you turn out the light", my mum would tell me. Her words would play on my mind constantly, telling me that the monsters of my dreams didn't exist. How could she say that when the monsters visited me in the plain daylight? When they spoke to me just as if they were my school friends? Sometimes, these monsters even were my school friends. These monsters weren't scary ghouls under my beds, or night time scary stories told at sleepovers: This was a monster trapped inside the body of a little girl. And tonight, I'd decided to escape her.

As I ran, I ran after what now looked like a man. He was tall, but too far into the distance for my tear ridden eyes to see. I pushed on, though the pain in my legs was unbearable and the beat of my heart could be heard in my head. Then it came, the flash of light, the sound of rain, the images in my head, over and over again. I was standing on the curb of a street, ground to a halt. No longer running, no longer searching. It was all over.

Every wave drags me out to sea.

My sandcastles built so high all fell immediately, torn away from fragile history, a whisper of wind ready to rip through millions of grains of sand. Weeks of sculpting falling before my eyes. But this wasn't the wind, this wasn't a playful child's feet running by carelessly, this was the storm, the moons absence forcing tides rushing along shorelines. Kids watched as the same happened to them so quickly. Their world falling from such great heights. Lives tumbled as the wreckage fell into the sea. Damsels unsaved as castles remained lumps of cold, wet sand. Kids ran back to their parents in cars, leaving the beach and all its misery. But I was left with the wreckage of sandcastles falling all around me, being swept out to sea. But my heart was left behind, the hurt stucked still in my chest. The past long gone, but ever present in my head.

The rain beat down, as I left the beach. I left the cold air and wet sand. Perhaps there was hope beyond the rustling trees and cracked wooden fences.

Celestial Bodies

Celestial bodies. Galaxies, a light in a dark sky, a spark of hope in a world of dark.
No rise, no fall. The constant matter of live, die. Death causes greatness among the stars, more light, colour exploding between millions of gas particles. Spilling, filling voids with its light, but alas, Star nobody sees you. Tucked up there, your far from reach, your brothers and sisters shone brighter than you, didn't they? You fell away, no more light and your death brought no greatness. So as colour does upon tear soaked paper, you faded, your colour run together, falling off the pages as nothing but a gray mass.

And then Star, you were gone. Absence among millions, unnoticed. You were one less twinkle between infinite others. As more fell, others took their place. Yours was filled, and you were gone. The night sky begins to disappear. Sinking behind a concrete wasteland and human lights. Humanity conquered the sky, as buildings rode a sky was created on the ground. The simplicity of the stars, something unknown to them.

Galaxies, particles, dust, supernova, birth, life, death. The celestial sky took its gaze upon us, faces pressed against the cold glass, watching as we forgot them. Not only eyes clouded over, but the atmosphere in which we dwell.

Misguided Ghosts

And now I'm told that this is life
That pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it

Would someone care to classify?
A broken heart and some twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on
And run to them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh, you are not useless
We are just

Misguided Ghosts

I adore this song.

Universal.

The sky frowned upon this new shape, this new form. The moon tossed and turned in her sleep, and the sun wept for the moons grieve.

She knew that she had changed, that she was growing. But the moon wanted her to stay pristine. Clean. Not this drama filled crime scene. She was the land, her mother the moon, her father the sun, her lover the ocean.

Her mother saw what she had become. Repulse. Her mother turned away, wept still. As her child became filth, pollution, unsanitary. The roads of her mind blocked with though, where to go? Where to turn? There was nowhere to move. But the earth saw her own problems, tried every day to face them. The moon still wept, turning away from the land. The moon was deceived by the people that filled the lands heart, these lies filling the land. When the land cried for the moon in her sleep, the moon was no longer there.

There was no longer light in the dark. The sun rose and set, but the moon never came.

The sea, confused by its never changing tides in the moons absence. Held her every peice, gently washed onto the shores, trying to calm, to fill the voids always missing. After the storms cleared, the moon would see and rest its weary head once again alongside the stars.

Because the land loved the moon, but alas moon: You are not the sun. You are not the water. You brought me light, but you cannot make me grow. I have to learn for myself, spread my own lungs. Grow my own roots.

The sun sits high in the sky; its warmth covering half the area of the world in its direct path. Flowers grow amoungst the weeds. Birth, death.

Its 8am, and she opens the blinds, but she's not greeted with the suns' warmth, she's not greeted with the flecks of dust dancing, scattering the air, illuminated. She watches as the clouds form over the sun, hiding it from the world. The clouds let go of their hurt, their tears as the sun tries faithfully to respire: to breathe its luminosity upon the world. But as she sees the sun fail, she backs away gracefully from the window, and her own eyes let go of their hurt. Her eyelashes make way for her tears to fall, descending slowly across her soft face.

A hand reaches across her shoulder and she shivers slightly. He wraps a pair of very familiar tattooed arms around her small stature as she smells the aroma of coffee and his cologne fill her nose, filling her with pensive and joy. He smiles, because her hair still smells of strawberry, how no matter how dull it looks in this rain, it ignites a fiery red orange in the sun. He breathes relief, because finally he holds his heart in his arms again, and she respires because she knows her love is back.

Turning in his arms, she see's the same blue eyes, brown hair and gorgeous face she fell in love with. He looked into her eyes, and as the clouds stopped to hurt so did she. The sun found its faith, and she found her place in his arms. He looked into her green eyes as she caught the sun.
"I'm not leaving you anymore" He whispered in her ear.

Somehow it feels so perfect. Surrounded by this madness.

There was a fragment of her heart that lay dormant in her chest. She knew that somehow, he was to be the fire, the storm, a chapter in her story, and the kiss that would awaken the dormant piece of her heart.

She watched him as he plucked gently at the strings of his guitar. She watched the strings with curiosity, watched as his fingers danced innocently along the fret board. And as she did so, she felt her heart strings tug. Pulling frantically, asking, wanting, needing. She and her heart longed for his embrace, for his touch.
He softly sung a sweet melody, his harmonious voice coursed through her, warming whatever frozen pieces remained within her small frame. He amazed her in every way possible, a gentle face among those that had hurt her many times before.

In the simplest form, she loved him. But as the other girl walked into the room, the tiny pieces of froze back into place, and the girl wrapped her arms around him, whispering in his ear softly 'I love you'.